Are you teasing me? Playing with me? Or are you just making fun of me. I don’t know what to think. Everything is just so confusing. I wish I wasn’t so stupid or unexperienced in these hi bs. But maybe I’m just making things more complex for myself and it’s just really something innocent. Just as friends. If only I wasn’t so insecure. Then I would probably be fine with what your doing.
I’m scared though. I’m scared that you know. I don’t want you to know. I don’t want anyone to know. I rather not have anyone, especially you, know that I like you. I just hate it when the person I like finds out I like them. Usually, it just goes all bad. And what if it becomes awkward between us. Or what if you just play with my feelings? I don’t think you’d be that type of person, but still.
It just gets me so flustered and self-conscious.
a friend gets a significant other and everything suddenly changes. Its like they never have time for their friends anymore. I mean, I’m happy you’re happy but it kinda hurts knowing you don’t wanna make time for the people thats been there since day one.
(Source: brendangardiola)
To be honest, I think about you still. Sometimes I wonder how you’re doing or if you’re okay. I wonder if you ever think about me but i doubt it. Once you are in my heart you will always be there forever. I don’t just forget people in a snap of a finger. Especially if you really meant something to me. I’m always here if you need anyone to talk to. Just because we don’t talk anymore, doesn’t mean i don’t care anymore. Trust me I still do.
To be honest, I get this urge to start doing it again. My wrists ache and yearn for that strange pain that somehow gives me relief. Days that I get the urge to do it, I just sit and stare at the object until I manage to convince myself not to do it. I haven’t picked it up yet. It’s been four years. I hope that I don’t fail in telling myself not to and never pick it up. Because I know if I start, I’ll never stop.
I don’t even like you like that… I mean, I have this weird strange string attraction towards you, but other than that it’s nothing. I don’t know why I keep posting these things about you and how I always get so happy and flustered over the littlest things you do.
I want to talk to you with no interruptions and get to know you. I want to know everything about you. Your past, your hopes, what you want in the future… I’m so curious. I want to be able to laugh with you. I want you to know the real me, not just the awkward shy me. I want to be able to show you that, but I can’t. There’s not enough time for that. I want to spend a whole day with you, or at least a few hours. I wonder what it’d be like.
I want to touch you… Your scars, your back, your face, your chest… I want to feel and pet your hair. I want to feel your leather jacket on days you wear it. I want to feel your body against mine when we hug. I want to hold your hand. I want to be able to stare at you without getting embarrassed and looking away.
I just want you.
(Source: ayejeremy)
I remember when I was “hopelessly in love,” except I wasn’t actually in love. Love is too strong of a word. Maybe it was admiration. Or because there was a limited number of choices and people to like. Who knows. But let’s just say the word love, since I don’t know another word to use. When I was in “love” with you, I used to always walk near you, look at you from afar, learn as much about you as I could by just watching. Sometimes I tried talking to you and impressing you. Never worked. I remember making these crazy plans just to get near you. I don’t think I actually did them though. Oh geez. It was humiliating. I remember. Do you? But I’ll never become that girl again. I won’t be the one “hopelessly in love.” I won’t get my choices swayed just because I like the person. Years have passed and I’ve become more confident in my opinions, choices, and decisions. I won’t ever become that person who follows someone out of simple admiration thinking I’m in love again.
Simple, childish, innocent feelings. Too bad I can’t return to those days when I was so innocent and naive. But I’m kind of glad. I don’t have to make a fool out of myself anymore.
It seems like everyone has been getting sick these past few days.
Funny how when I have an attraction towards someone, I brush them off. But around other guys, I’m completely comfortable around them. Why is that? Why can’t I be normal when I’m with a guy I like? I never know what to say. Conversations die. I embarrass myself. I don’t know what to do. I end up pushing them further and further away until I’m unapproachable and they stop making an effort. I don’t know why I do this and I can’t control it. I hate myself when I do this.
